The Senators’ first-inning issues are starting to become legendary. In 18 games thus far, they have surrendered at least one run in the first frame 16 times. In eight of those games, the Senators have trailed the entire game after falling behind during the first-inning. Which all leads to the fact that the Senators have trailed after 121 of the 160 innings played so far in 2014.

But have no fear, in David Letterman fashion I have crafted the top ten ways to solve the Senators’ first inning problems during their seven-game homestand starting tonight.

Anton…drum roll, please.

10. Don’t even bother with the National Anthem, go right into the 7th inning stretch and sing “Take Me Out to the Ballgame”

9. If the person throwing out the honorary first pitch doesn’t bounce it, he or she gets to start the game for the Senators. Who am I kidding? They’re starting even if they bounce it.

8. The moment an opponent scores in the first inning, Newt fires off the sprinkler system to force a rainout

7. More eephus pitches

6. Tell the other team the game starts an hour later than it actually does

5. Give up a run, get a free bus ride to Potomac

4. Re-sign Cory VanAllen to a contract. Have him plunk the batter and then pick him off of first base. Repeat two more times.

3. Claim the ball got stuck in a tree. The whole inning is a do-over.

2. Have Harrisburg pitchers throw batting practice before the game, not during

1. Unveil the new promotion: six-pack giveaway…who cares what the Senators do in any inning?